This Guy Keeps Expressing His Love And I Don’t Want To Hurt Him

I've been turning this guy's love proposals down and have done it again. This time I'm getting heartbroken thinking he will hate me now if he doesn't already. I do like him but to accept his proposal will be something which will defy my morals because I'm only 14 years. I want to know if I did the wrong thing by turning him down but still wanting him as a friend, truly.

Dear Linda,

Oh, you didn't do the wrong thing by turning him down and still wanting to be friends. That is very caring of you, to do just that, continue to care about him as a friend.

You stated it vey well, yourself, when you said that it would go against your morals because you are 14 years old. The fact that you are able to articulate that shows maturity for your young age and that is good. Whether these are morals that you have come up with on your own, or within your family structure or culture, they are moral standards that you subscribe to and hold dear. You need to be true to yourself and continue to follow your own standards. Otherwise, you are at risk of losing who you are or where you are going.

You have probably already stated this in your responses to your guy's proposals. He may or may not understand your morals, or adherence to these morals. That is not uncommon, especially if there are a different set of morals for each individual. Think of the converse. If you did accept this guy's proposal, would you be happy with yourself, having given up on your own standards?

It really is a matter of choosing between the standards/morals and the guy. I know it is painful, and many of us have gone through this, but you cannot always have both. It sounds very cliché, I know, but if this guy really cares about you, as a person, he will understand your desire to refuse his proposal but still care about him as a person. He may not understand today, but hopefully, eventually he will. If he does not, then you can care about him in your heart, even if he never knows.

Something that helps me is to remember this: Another person can choose not to show love to you. They can choose not to receive love from you, but do you know what they can't do? They cannot stop you from loving them in your heart. That, my dear, you can take with you always, irregardless of where the relationship goes.

Deborah E
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Deborah is a #1 Jazz Singer, as well as a lifelong musician, songwriter, and sound engineer. She is also a writer who pursues a love of positive psychology. She is a thesis short of having her doctorate in psychology.
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