He Says All The Right Things But Doesn’t Want a Relationship

My ex-boyfriend called me and told me stuff that I've always wanted to hear, but he does not want to get into a relationship and says that he will not be happy with me. What do I do?

Dear shiv,

Some people are very talented with the use of words. They are charmers. They are good at what they do, and they make us feel good, especially if words and validation are really important to us. It is always very gratifying to hear and cherish those words.

Enjoy the moment, hearing the words that you have always wanted to hear, but realize that they are just that, words. In order to have a fulfilling relationship, one that makes you happy, you need action to be a part of your relationship. He has the "words" part, but has stated, himself, that he does not want the relationship part. He has taken it even a step further (as if stating that he doesn't want a relationship is not enough) and said that he will not be happy with you. This says several things, including that he does not believe in you enough for a relationship and that he is not choosing to make an effort to be happy with you.

You need, and I'm sure, want, someone who will believe in you, love you, and not only have a relationship, but put real effort into that relationship. Also, you want to exude the value that you have and the value that you place in yourself by not making yourself able to be "purchased" with words and no action. Not unless that is all you want, is the words without action. I think you desire more than that... So go for it... Find someone who will give you both, all wrapped up in a bundle of love!

Deborah E
Ask Deborah E a question | Listing of Ask Deborah E Questions (Answers)

Ask Deborah E
Deborah is a #1 Jazz Singer, as well as a lifelong musician, songwriter, and sound engineer. She is also a writer who pursues a love of positive psychology. She is a thesis short of having her doctorate in psychology.
0 comments… add one

Leave a Comment