Deborah is a #1 Jazz Singer, as well as a lifelong musician, songwriter, and sound engineer. She is also a writer who pursues a love of positive psychology. She is a thesis short of having her doctorate in psychology.
I'm very unhappy with my life because of some life experiences. I am so depressed sometimes. I feel like ending my life so all will end but I have one daughter who is autistic. Any idea how I can make my life better?
My dear, there is always a better solution than suicide. I know that when the world feels like it is falling in on us, and there are no options, that that seems like the only option available to us.
Also, sometimes it feels as if that option has been pre-programmed into our psyche, often due to mistreatment or abuse in our own past. As human creatures, we desire love. We crave love. We need love. It is very natural to want and need that! When we are deprived of that love, we have a vacuum inside of us and that vacuum can often trigger us into feeling like it would be better to shut off the vacuum forever, with the ending of our own life. Sometimes there is a piece of self-hatred because we have been taught to hate ourselves. Many times there is a need to escape from the pain and a real, sincere, but desperate cry for help, not only the salvation from ourselves and our own thoughts of handling it through a final act of termination, but also a desperate cry to find the love and the hope that will help us to not continue to cycle through these thoughts, feelings, and temptations over and over like a hamster in a hamster wheel.
We can go months, years, feeling "Ok" and one more trip on that hamster wheel and we may feel as if we haven't made the progress that we thought we made.
It is not always easy (in fact, it is downright difficult and seemingly impossible!), but you do have a precious gift. You have your daughter, your child who craves love just like you do and looks to you for that love. You have the opportunity to give to her the very thing that you crave and so, help her, and you know what? Love has a way of coming back. You give it, especially in the case of a child, and it comes back to you.
My dear, dear, friend, please do find a counselor who you can talk to about these feelings and meet with on a regular basis to work through these issues that are weighing on you. Also, take some breaks for yourself, some walks in the park, smelling flowers, feeling the sunshine on your face, feeling the breeze in your hair.
I wish I could reach out and give you a hug right now. Please visit any time. I send you all my hugs and much more!hugs,
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