I Am In Love With A Younger Man

I am in love with a guy quite younger than me. I want a confirmation that he loves me, too.

Dear fizza,

I believe you have two questions here, possibly three. Your reference to the "younger man" versus a reference to "a man" implies that possibly you are wondering about the age difference. Add to that the use of the word, "quite" and it seems like it may be more than a passing thought on your mind right now.

The other part of your question is something that we always want, and that is confirmation or validation that we are loved by the object of our desire. Hey, even an affirmation that our love for them is desired, is helpful!

The easiest answer, and yet, the hardest, to your second question, is to ask him. If he loves you, he will be able to handle the question, in his love for you. If he does not love you, then he may have a different reaction. However, that said, life is not always so black and white, as there are shades of gray that make up the gradient texture of our lives and it is often times helpful to develop a relationship, even a friendship, before ramping up for that question. Ask yourself if this is the type of man who you would choose as a friend, regardless of a love relationship. If the answer is, "Yes," then great, you can proceed with that friendship, whether you ask him the question today, tomorrow, or later on in your relationship. If the answer is "No," you will need to evaluate if/why you want to have this man as your love interest if he is not the type of person that you want as a friend.

The first part of your question involves the "quite younger than me" part. It certainly depends on what younger means and not only what it means (i.e. legal terms), but what it means as far as relationship to you, and how important it is to your larger social circle, including your family and friends. For example, if he is quite a bit younger and your family and friends have an issue, you need to decide if your love relationship with this man is more important than your support network. That is fine if it is, but understand the sacrifice. If you cut off a support network in favor of this man, and something doesn't work out, are you ok with that? Consider all potential consequences. Other than that, how does the age difference affect you? If it does not matter to you and does not have any consequences that adversely impact your life, then I think you have answered your own question.

The third, potentially implied question, is the question of whether you want to take the risk with the younger man, in light of a potential lack of confirmation of his love. My suggestion? Evaluate the first two questions and determine what you can live with versus what you cannot live without.

Deborah E
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Deborah is a #1 Jazz Singer, as well as a lifelong musician, songwriter, and sound engineer. She is also a writer who pursues a love of positive psychology. She is a thesis short of having her doctorate in psychology.
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