Should I Worry If He Is Texting And Calling Less?


My boyfriend and I have been dating for three months now. The first month was beautiful, but then the phone calls and texts reduced and even seeing him reduced. He attributes this to a hectic work schedule but he gets me pretty little gifts from time to time. From asking people he stays with, there's no one else. He also tends to think I nag him and has given me a nickname to that effect. i love him and I think he loves me, too. He is just complicated. He doesn't like being asked questions.
Marya





Dear Marya,

I can understand your concern that you are not receiving the same attention that you used to receive from your boyfriend. While he gives you gifts (that is excellent!), you are unsure if he has the same level of love for you that he had before, based on his quantity of phone calls and text messages.

What you are experiencing is normal, the concern about whether your boyfriend loves you and how much he loves you and if that is the same as it was yesterday, and the day before and whether that love will stay the same, grow, or, your bigger fear, diminish.

Your boyfriend's response is also normal. He appears to be concerned about the questions and, from what you have indicated here, it may be that those questions relate to your relationship and how much he loves you. These questions can become overwhelming to the other individual, not just because he may feel that he has already answered them, but also, it starts to erode a trust level in him, as he feels that you may not believe what he is saying. Whether he is telling the truth or not (and there is no reason here to assume he is not telling the truth), the actions of asking him, and asking those people who know him, and even appearing to track the phone calls or texts may make him feel that no matter what he does, there is no way for him to prove that he loves you. He may start to feel inadequate in the area of proving it and inadequate in the area of even loving to the level that he may feel that you require. It is normal for human beings to pull back from a relationship if they start to feel helpless to acquire the success in the relationship that they desire or are seeking.

My suggestion? Instead of focusing how much he loves you or how much he does for you or asking him questions, think of ways that you can encourage him and show him how much you love him. Figure out what helps him to feel loved and encouraged and do those things. Does he like picnic lunches? Surprise him. Does he like hanging out and watching the game? Then, do that with him. Put your focus on how to encourage him instead of tracking how he encourages you and I think your perspective will change.

hugs,
Deborah E
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Deborah
Deborah is #1 Jazz Singer, as well as a lifelong musician, songwriter, and sound engineer. She is also a writer who pursues a love of positive psychology. Download the "Boost Your Energy" ebook (absolutely free!).
Deborah
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