Deborah

I Am Generous, But My Husband Is Not

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The question...

Deborah E answers the question, "My husband does not buy anything for me, not even clothes, but I always buy for him."

Deborah E answers

It is very nice of you to show your love for your husband by buying things for him. Hopefully, he appreciates it and realizes that you are showing your love for him.

Notwithstanding ulterior motives and manipulations and the like, the giving of gifts generally demonstrates love, however, the converse is not necessarily true. The lack of giving gifts is not a demonstration of a lack of love. That said, it would remain obvious that if someone does not love someone else, they are unlikely to give gifts.

Gary Chapman teaches the "5 Love Languages." One of these languages is gift giving. People demonstrate their love via the top one or

How Do I Meet Women (Men)?

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The question...

Deborah E answers the question, "I want to chat with lady for free. I have no money to be a member of a site where I have to login."

Deborah E answers

That is a tricky question as there are so many different ways to meet men and women.

You referenced web sites and looking for a free online source. Realize that you do "get what you pay for," so a free online service may not be the quality (i.e. screening, etc.) that you are looking for, in a service. Also, it may not provide the matching metrics needed to find someone who is compatible. eHarmony is a service that brags about their scientific approach to finding someone who is a good compatibility match for each person, based on their profile. However, I realize that eHarmony is a not a free service.

I Have Moved On To A New Love, But I Think I Am Not Over My Old Boyfriend

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The question...

Deborah E answers the question, "I had a breakup with my boyfriend. He has moved on but I haven't. I loved him very much but I fear that I will never fall in love again. There is another guy in my life now. He loves me but I don't know what i feel. How do I cope up with my feelings?"

Deborah E answers

Interesting thing about relationships. It is easy for those of us who are not a part of the broken relationship to say, "Oh, you broke up, did you?" We see the relationship that existed yesterday doesn't exist today. It is binary. It is a radio button. It is on, then it is off, like a light switch.

In reality, life is not like that at all. We humans have feelings and those feelings don't turn off like that light switch. Sometimes they linger for a little while, sometimes they linger for a lifetime. Those of us who have lived many years past the first relationships do not necessarily stop loving that person, but it becomes a perspective thing. Those first relationships and loved ones may continue to hold a special spot in our hearts and our memories as we remember, with fondness, the time that we had with them. That is not wrong, it is a part of the wonderful capacity that we have to love. However, we do need to be concerned if it interferes with our ability to grow or impedes us moving forward in life.

I Love A Guy But He Doesn’t Love Me

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The question...

Deborah E answers the question, "I love a guy but he doesn't love me. Will I ever get his love?"

Deborah E answers

I know that what you are experiencing is very difficult. It can be frustrating, and just downright a never-ending feeling of sadness!

You have probably heard the saying, ""If you love someone, let them go. If they return to you, it was meant to be. If they don't, their love was never yours to begin with."

This is a hard saying to accept, especially when you are in the throes of that unrequited love, the case of loving someone who doesn't seem to love you back. However, there is a lot of truth in that saying. You cannot force someone to love you. I know you already know that, or you wouldn't be seeking a way to "get his love." The process of "getting his love" is a process of acquiring or gaining, or somehow

This Guy Keeps Expressing His Love And I Don’t Want To Hurt Him

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The question...

Deborah E answers the question, "I've been turning this guy's love proposals down and have done it again. This time I'm getting heartbroken thinking he will hate me now if he doesn't already. I do like him but to accept his proposal will be something which will defy my morals because I'm only 14 years. I want to know if I did the wrong thing by turning him down but still wanting him as a friend, truly."

Deborah E answers

Oh, you didn't do the wrong thing by turning him down and still wanting to be friends. That is very caring of you, to do just that, continue to care about him as a friend.

You stated it vey well, yourself, when you said that it would go against your morals because you are 14 years old. The fact that you are able to articulate that shows maturity for your young age and that is good. Whether these are morals that you have come up with on your own, or within your family structure or culture, they are moral standards that you subscribe to and hold dear. You need to be true to yourself and continue to follow your own standards. Otherwise, you are at risk of losing who you are or where you are going.

He Says All The Right Things But Doesn’t Want a Relationship

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The question...

Deborah E answers the question, "My ex-boyfriend called me and told me stuff that I've always wanted to hear, but he does not want to get into a relationship and says that he will not be happy with me. What do I do?"

Deborah E answers

Some people are very talented with the use of words. They are charmers. They are good at what they do, and they make us feel good, especially if words and validation are really important to us. It is always very gratifying to hear and cherish those words.

Enjoy the moment, hearing the words that you have always wanted to hear, but realize that they are just that, words. In order to have a fulfilling relationship, one that makes you happy, you need action to be a part of your relationship. He has the "words" part, but has stated, himself, that he does not want the relationship part. He has taken it even a step further (as if stating that he doesn't want a relationship is not enough) and said that he will not be happy with you. This says several things, including that he does not believe in you enough for a relationship and that he is not choosing to make an effort to be happy with you.