How Do I Find An Adviser?


Deborah E answers the question, “I want to reduce all of my negative thoughts and want an adviser where i can talk all of my problems. I need more time and if i get any response then i can tell all of my problems.”

I am glad to hear that you want to reduce your negative thoughts. Sometimes that is a lot harder than it seems. Also, it is much easier to think positive thoughts than to try not to think negative thoughts. In other words, fill that cup with the positive so the negative is replaced with that positive thinking.

It seems as if you may be tiring of talking out the problems with no feedback. Sometimes it is difficult when we meet with a counselor or adviser because we feel like we have to talk and talk and talk to explain where we are coming from, just to get to the point where the real issues lie, the “heart of the issue.” We invest so much time into the telling of our story and feel that we are not getting enough of a response or feedback to feel better and get those positive thoughts growing. Finding that good “fit” as far as counselor or adviser is similar to the amount of effort and work it takes to find that one mate for life. That is a lot of work!

How Do I Overcome Abuse?


Deborah E answers the question, “How do I overcome abuse, in general?”

First, we need to determine if it is overcoming current abuse or past abuse. If it is current abuse, there is really no getting over it until you remove yourself from the abuse. If it is obviously abuse, you need to get out! If it is not abuse, but uncomfortable, then we would need to consider coping methods in dealing with the less-than-ideal situation.

I have a feeling you are referring to exactly what you said here, abuse.

Overcoming abuse is a process. It does not happen overnight. At first, when one discovers that they are free from abuse, and at a point where they are free to recover, the desire is to instantly feel better (common to us, as humans), and to have clarity on what we are

What Is A Relationship?


Deborah E answers the question, “What is a relationship?”

According to relationship means “a connection, association, or involvement” and “connection between persons” and “an emotional or other connection between people.”

As far as defining the relationship further, we need to get the generalities out of the way. Are we talking about a relationship between father and son, mother and daughter, teacher and student, or boyfriend and girlfriend? These relationships have similarities and they have differences.

For example, if we are discussing teacher and student, we would not talk about intimacy issues, similar to what would be discussed with a

My Girl Avoids Me Even Though I Give Her Everything Her Heart Desires


Deborah E answers the question, “hi, ma’am. I love one girl, she was working in my company. I love her from my heart. We enjoy every moment. One day her friend told she was date with other friend. He is from 1000km away. I ask her about it. She told it’s my life’s bad moment. i moved with him and stay 4 days but she told nothing happen between us. I forgive her and I told her, “I am with you forget all else.” After some days she start avoiding me. My question is why she start avoiding me, even when I help her with money and I give her everything? Why she did like?”

The reality is that love cannot be purchased. Granted, all relationships, to some extent, involve a “master transaction” or transactions. In more common and acceptable terms, “give and take.” One would hope that these transactions, are done out of love for one another, a deep love. It appears that you are motivated by your deep love for this girl and that is highly commendable. However, if this girl does not feel the same kind of love for you, that you find for her, then she may not feel the passion that would motivate her to be kind to you.

There are other motivations for participating in the “give and take” beyond deep love, even if that is the preferred motivation. There is also obligation. For example, a couple may marry because one person has more money than the other, but it is possible that the other person feels obligated to treat the first person kindly in order to retain the position of being married (and having access to the money).

I Am Lonely Without Him


Deborah E answers the question, “I recently dumped my boyfriend. We were together for more than a year but we’re just 16 so it was probably not “love.” Anyhow, I dumped him because I thought that I was over him but now I feel very lonely and I feel very guilty, too! What do I do?”

Break-ups are always painful, even if you break-up for all of the right reasons and know, 100%, that you did the right thing by breaking up. The challenge when you are the “dumpee” (person being dumped) is a feeling of what-can-I-do-to-get-em-back. The challenge when you are the dumper (person doing the dumping) is was-that-really-the-right-thing-to-do.

I would not criticize you or claim that it was not “love” solely based on your age. It is true that you have not lived on this earth as many years as some of us, and your wisdom, let alone common sense, is still growing, but that is true of all of us. We are continually on an improvement path, a path of deeper understanding and wisdom (IF we allow ourselves to be).

When Will My Second Marriage Be Resolved?

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Deborah E answers the question, “Kindly tell me, When will my second marriage problem be resolved? Is it near or do I still wait longer? Thanks.”

I commend you for your effort in relationships. Your mention of this being your second marriage shows that you are not afraid of entering into relationships.

You use the word, “When” versus “How” which is a focus on a timeline, almost an endurance of this marriage rather than a focus on the steps that it takes to resolve the issues that plague it. It appears that you are attempting to endure the relationship so that you do not call it “quits” before it is time, causing people to think that you have not put your best effort forth.

==> Sidebar: Someone once told me that all divorces have a portion of responsibility on both sides. There is no such thing as 100% fault