Out Of Nowhere, He Breaks Up With Me!

I've been in a relationship for 3 years with a guy. Last week he told me that he does not want to continue with me further. i was collapsed after hearing this. He says he wants to make his career so that he can concentrate only on his work. He said for me to never call or try to contact him. i cant understand how can he can do this. I don't think he loves me anymore. Besides, we had our normal fights. Last year he had also broken up for some other gal in his life, but still i accepted him and gave him a chance. Please help me. What shall I do? Will I get my love back forever?

Dear sady,

Oh, the pain of heartbreak. There is nothing quite like it, and it hurts so deeply. My heart goes out to yours, in what you are going through right now.

Three years is a long time and the longer the relationship goes on, the harder it is for a break-up and the more "pull" we feel to get back together again, as if life will never return to normal without that other person. We have become so accustomed to being with that person, good, bad, and otherwise, that being apart sometimes seems unbearable. That only puts more stress on an already touchy situation.

Based on the verbiage/words that he used in asking you not to contact him, he seems to have strong feelings about the decision. While it is possible that there is a reason based on his love for you, and he is being firm or, what may seem "harsh," in an effort to protect you, this is not as common as the alternative which is that he may possibly have meant the words, or, meant them at the time he said them. If this was a momentary, rash, response on his part, he may regret saying it later, but he needs time to be able to evaluate this for himself.

However, if he truly meant the words, then it may be in your best interest to heed them and not contact him. That way, you are showing your love for him by giving him the space he is requesting.

Whether or not he means it and whether or not he means it forever, he needs the space because 1) he requested it, and 2) he would need it to process any lingering feelings. It is wonderful that you took him back last year, but right now the most precious gift you can give him, is the space that he is requesting, with no expectation that he will ever change his mind about needing that space.

Deborah E
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Deborah is a #1 Jazz Singer, as well as a lifelong musician, songwriter, and sound engineer. She is also a writer who pursues a love of positive psychology. She is a thesis short of having her doctorate in psychology.
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