Deborah is a #1 Jazz Singer, as well as a lifelong musician, songwriter, and sound engineer. She is also a writer who pursues a love of positive psychology. She is a thesis short of having her doctorate in psychology.
My Ex Proposed To Me, But…
@deborahinfo
Hi,
I am from Mauritius. Actually, last month, my ex proposed to me again. He said that he really loves me and that he wanted to be with me again. After a few days, I told him, "Yes," as i still have some feelings for him.
It's been nearly one month that we have been together, but the thing is that he neither calls me nor texts me. It's always me who calls him, but when I call him, it's whether he is busy or there's someone coming to disturb me.
We are never free for a real discussion.
I just want your opinion, what should i do? I really want things between us to get better but i don't know how to do that.
Can you please help me?
Waiting for your reply, eagerly,
Nirvana
Nirvana
Dear Nirvana,That is normally an exciting time, to accept a proposal and prepare for your future together with the person you love, and for that, I congratulate you.
However, from your tone in your letter, it sounds as if you have "settled" for this man. I do not get a sense that you are "jumping for joy" over the proposal or the idea of spending your life with him. That would cause me to be a bit concerned, in your shoes.
I once received the advice that you don't marry the person you can live with, but rather, marry the person you cannot live without.
There must a reason that you refer to him as your "ex." Have the issues that caused the break-up in the first place been resolved? If so, how were they resolved? Is this resolution satisfactory to you? How about to him? In other words, are you comfortable that those issues have been resolved for both of you, so that you are able to "start fresh" with your eyes wide open, looking to the future, together?
It sounds like the lack of attention, be it attention to you, to your relationship, or even time together, bothers you. If that was one of the issues that caused the break-up, then it would seem you need to address that issue and work toward an agreeable resolution and future approach that works for both of you, before you walk down that aisle and make a commitment to each other. And, if it is a new issue, it also needs to be addressed before the marriage step. If it is a new issue, you may want to consider if there are any other issues peeking out from behind the darkness, because you want to have as much covered, as far as communication and expectation levels, first. It is like a sales contract. You want to cover as many sales questions during the pre-sales process, before the contract and exchange of money for the transaction. In this case, it would be recommended to see a pre-marriage counselor to have some assistance in walking through the different aspects. Also, experienced counselors know what questions to ask and what to look for, to help both of you to have those eyes "wide open."
I wish you all the love and happiness.
hugs,Deborah E
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