I’m In Love WIth A Guy That I Really Want To Marry

The guy that I have known for a long time now told me that his girlfriend would be coming for a visit. I love him. He told me that it is not that he would marry any girl that he had dated. Please advice me on what to do.

Dear J.C.,

It sounds like you are saying that this guy is not interested in marriage at all, or that he has a desire to marry someone whom he has not met yet or does not know. If he has lofty dreams of someone whom he does not know, his desire for this unknown woman is elevated to a level that possibly no one could reach, not even the unknown woman, herself.

We are human beings, good points and bad. Our flaws need to be embraced as much as our beauties.

If he is telling you that his girlfriend is visiting, but not to worry because he wouldn't be marrying her, then I would ask myself if this is one-sided. Does the girlfriend know that she has reached the plateau of their relationship, that they will never, according to him, proceed past this point? This is not really our business, but if that is what this guy is saying, he is not really expressing an interest in marriage with or to anyone, so it makes it a little tricky for you when your desire is to marry someone who doesn't want to be married.

It really comes down to this. If the guy has a girlfriend and all intentions of staying with that girlfriend, married or not, then you need to be able to respect that that is the choice he has made and respect the current relationship that he has, irregardless of the marriage issue. If the guy is only using the girlfriend and really has his eye on you, great, but, is that the type of guy that you want to give your life to, for all time? A guy that will be with one person and expressing love for another?

You deserve a man who will love you with all of his heart, devoted to you, and you alone. Don't worry about the marriage part today. Rather, love and be loved, marriage does not love make, but it is helpful if love exists before entering into that marriage.

Deborah E
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Deborah is a #1 Jazz Singer, as well as a lifelong musician, songwriter, and sound engineer. She is also a writer who pursues a love of positive psychology. She is a thesis short of having her doctorate in psychology.
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