Deborah is a #1 Jazz Singer, as well as a lifelong musician, songwriter, and sound engineer. She is also a writer who pursues a love of positive psychology. She is a thesis short of having her doctorate in psychology.
I Meet With Him On The Web. Why Doesn’t He Want To See Me?
@deborahinfo
I speak with a male friend almost every day and have web intimacy time and share thoughts daily, yet he will not ask to see me.
corvette10
Dear corvette10,I do understand how much pain this is causing you. You are viewing this is a relationship which hasn't provided an opportunity to see each other face to face, in-person, and then feeling hurt and frustrated when this relationship doesn't take that step when that step is available to you. That is truly painful.
I presume that you have asked him if you can get together and he has refused. If, on the other hand, you are hoping that he will ask you to get together in person and he hasn't asked yet and that confuses you. If the second scenario is the case, then you can ask him about getting together. I am going to operate from the presumption that you have discussed it and he has either refused, or avoided the possibility of getting together, to a point that you feel personally rejected.
Unfortunately, the cold hard truth is that not all people seek the same thing in a relationship and if two people are not seeking the same thing in the relationship, you end up in a discrepancy and people are hurt by that discrepancy in relationship goals. While I am not saying this about your friend, since I do not know him personally, there are cases where men and women prefer to strike up a relationship over the internet when they are already in another relationship and it becomes complicated to have the internet relationship cross paths with the real relationship. There are also cases when all that one or the other person desire in the relationship is the online aspect and there is no desire to take it to the next step, in spite of what may or may not have been said.
The key to knowing where you stand is to ask him what he desires out of the relationship. Be aware that it is possible that it has been something like a scheduling issue, but if that is the case, most people will not become overly-defensive in providing that answer. If this relationship moving to a point of in-person visiting is important to you, then stick with that objective and explain that to him and ask him if he has the same goals for the relationship. In most cases, it is better to have it defined and know where you stand then to continue in the pain of not knowing.
hugs,Deborah E
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