Deborah is a #1 Jazz Singer, as well as a lifelong musician, songwriter, and sound engineer. She is also a writer who pursues a love of positive psychology. She is a thesis short of having her doctorate in psychology.
I Am Newly Married and Want A Separation Already
@deborahinfo
I am 23 years old, living in India. i got engaged in Nov 2011 and I'm legally married. My partner is 27 years old, living in Australia. We both are very opposite persons. We were having small small issues and now it's turning to become such big issues that I want a separation from him. He loves me and I don't want to separate, but i don't feel like even talking to him. Please help me out. Thank you.
disha
Dear disha,Oh, that is such a hard situation to be in, and so young to be facing such a situation! I feel for you in this time of difficulty.
It appears that you do have some desire to retain this marriage. However, it was interesting to note that you said he loves you and that you do not want to end the marriage. Do you love him? Another question to you is whether the ending of the marriage, and the reluctance to do so, is based on love or obligation. It is honorable to stay married out of obligation, but it is also helpful if you understand what your reasons are, for yourself, so that you may better address them.
It seems, with both of you in separate countries, that you are already, effectively, separated. However, you mentioned that you still have issues, in spite of the geographical separation. What would be really helpful is if you could meet with a counselor and figure out what the issues are and which issues you should work on first. In this way, too, you can formulate a sort of path for your relationship and its growth, or other decisions that may need to be made about its longevity. A good counselor can help you with that, as well as help you identify the real core issues that may be affecting other issues, and causing them to grow to become "big issues," as you say.
Being opposite is not necessarily a bad thing, and in some cases, is very good, but you need to find that commonality, and find that love that first drew you together, and there is nothing wrong with seeking some help to do just that, helping you to work together to decide your future.
hugs,Deborah E
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