How Much Time Should We Spend Together?

Hi. I am a college student, aged 20 yrs, and a lady. I am in relationship. Ok, to what extent should we go with my boyfriend and how frequent shall we spend time and during those times spent together, what shall we do?

Dear Rotich,

There is not a set time amount that you should spend. It isn't a magic formula, per se. However, there are certain considerations.

For example, if you think of it as a scale, you don't want to spend too much time with him as you two could get sick of each other. Granted, that may not be likely, but consider the stage of your relationship. If you really like this guy, on one hand, you would want to test that theory because if you get sick of each other, maybe he isn't the guy for you. On the other hand, if you are early in the relationship, it may be a premature measurement because you really haven't had the chance to build your relationship.

See what I mean about no magic formula?

So, let's make it a little easier with a list of considerations, ok?

  • You said you are a college student. Are you allowing enough time for your college studies?
  • Are you allowing the appropriate time for your family. By that, I mean whatever you have designated as family time. Maybe that is dinner once a month or a Skype call home. This consideration has a dual purpose because you want your family on your side on this relationship if at all possible.
  • Are you allowing enough personal time? For example, maybe you like doing your nails once a week. Don't stop being you, just for him or you will begin resenting him.
  • Are you allowing enough time for your friends? They don't have to be your focus 24/7 but are you allowing some time for them?
  • If you have a job, have you allowed enough time to properly prepare for work, go to work, do the work, come home, and decompress from your work?

Now, after all of those considerations, are you allowing enough time with him? Maybe he is patient and he can put up with less time while you are in college. But, if you are serious about this guy, you should talk to him and ensure that you are focusing quality time (i.e. time for conversation, interaction, getting to know each other) to build that relationship.

Deborah E
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