Deborah@deborahinfoNovember 26, 2012 Hey...I am from India. Well, you might be knowing the thinking of Indian parents about your son or daughter being in a relationship. Well, that is EXACTLY my problem. I have a boyfriend and I am in 9th grade. My parents came to know about it. They told me to stop it, but I am really too much in love with him to end this relationship now. We met at my old society. He hugged me and he kissed me on my cheek. I just told about this to my best friends at school. and my sister. I really trust them. Somehow my parents came to know about all this. They were talking about transferring me to some other place, but I somehow convinced them to keep me in the same school with my sister's help. They have told me to end the relationship and be friends, but they just can't understand our relationship. I have told them that I would, but I myself know that it is impossible. I have told all this to my boyfriend. He said that he would do anything to keep me out of trouble. What should i do? I get equally loved from both sides! Parents or love?? Whom should i choose??? angel
Oh, my dear, I do feel your anguish. I may have been "around the block" a couple more times than you, with some experience, but it was not so long ago that I have forgotten these feelings of young love!
Is it safe to assume, that you would prefer to have both your boyfriend and your parents, rather than to have to choose? You know you really are blessed, because you have a boyfriend that cares about you and parents that care about you! And, you have your friends and your sister!
The fact that your boyfriend said that he would "do anything to keep you out of trouble" says a lot about how much he cares for you and that is wonderful. The fact that your parents care enough to look out for your best interests, even if we may not be able to see it or agree, says a lot, as well.
Let's play the different scenarios, shall we, in the game of choosing one or the other... If you choose to continue to date your boyfriend, against your parents' wishes, they will find out and they will not be pleased. Am I right? And, if they are not pleased, are they going to be helpful in your continued relationship with your boyfriend? Even if you could continue to see your boyfriend behind their backs, or even if they reluctantly concede and give you permission, will that bring peace and joy to your home? How will that lack of peace in the home, or even conflict, affect your relationship with your boyfriend? Will it help the relationship? We like to think that these types of conflict situations build a stronger relationship, but often times, the opposite is true, and if you do choose this path, you would need to be aware that this path may actually have an adverse effect on your relationship with your boyfriend and it may be a lose-lose situation.
Now let's say you choose to follow your parents. In light of the fact that your boyfriend has already expressed that he does not want you to get in trouble (a big step!), you have the opportunity to build trust with your parents and build a strong foundation on which they will trust you, and potentially grow to trust, respect, and like, maybe love, your boyfriend. This is a truly *priceless* foundation if you can build it, on which to build your relationship with your boyfriend! It is something that doesn't come along in 100% of relationships and something that should be cherished! But, the only way to get that foundation is to work with your parents, by following their wishes, while you are under their authority. Without doing that, you are building your relationship with boyfriend on sand, and its chances to survive will be diminished.
I sincerely am hoping for a win-win for you and your boyfriend and your parents!
Deborah is #1 Jazz Singer, as well as a lifelong musician, songwriter, and sound engineer. She is also a writer who pursues a love of positive psychology. Download the "Boost Your Energy" ebook (absolutely free!).