Deborah@deborahinfoApril 22, 2013 I am a newly married girl and I have a very happy married life. My husband loves me a lot, but now I'm pregnant. We were not planning for a baby, yet, but, unexpectedly I got pregnant. My husband never talks about the baby. He always takes care of me. He always used to say take care of yourself, but never says take care of the baby as well and never shows any excitement towards the baby as the other fathers do. I'm so depressed. Tell me what I should do .. Sonam
I am a newly married girl and I have a very happy married life. My husband loves me a lot, but now I'm pregnant. We were not planning for a baby, yet, but, unexpectedly I got pregnant. My husband never talks about the baby. He always takes care of me. He always used to say take care of yourself, but never says take care of the baby as well and never shows any excitement towards the baby as the other fathers do. I'm so depressed. Tell me what I should do ..
Oh, honey, I ache for you. It is a tough job, physically, emotionally, relationally, everything-ally, to carry a child within you and to have your body going through all sorts of different things, your emotions on roller coasters and hormones making you feel like you are not the same person. But, what you are experiencing is very beautiful and I'm sure you realize that. I also don't want you to worry so much about the situation that you miss the beauty that is growing inside of you, and you miss the beauty that is to be that little one's mama. This is a wonderful time, so please, please, cherish it for the sake of you and for your little one.
Unexpected pregnancies, and even planned pregnancies can affect each of us in different ways, even the fathers. Sometimes we, as women think that we are the only ones going through it, and believe me, we go through it! But, the fathers also go through the pregnancy and may have different responses to it. They may feel scared, ill-prepared, unsure. They may have things in the memories of childhood that they are processing and not sure what they are supposed to do with the thoughts. They may want to run and hide from the whole process and bury their heads in the sand like an ostrich, hoping that when they come up for air their lives will go back to the way they were before.
With the woman, no matter how much she may think about hiding from the situation, the little life inside of her makes he known that he or she is there and there is no place for the mother to hide from what she is experiencing. That doesn't mean that some mothers don't try, with drugs, denial, alcohol, or even other positive distractions.
Let's look at the positive of the situation. You and your husband have a happy marriage. That is excellent. Your husband cares about how you are doing. Excellent, again. Let's focus on that and try not to compare your husband to other expectant fathers. The comparison won't change your husband and may only cause some uncomfortable feelings that will cause more damage than good. Now, it is possible that it won't get any better, and in that case, you need to remember that you need to be a source of strength and protection, and most of all love to this child. You need to be able to shower the love and happiness (even if you don't feel it as fully as you want, at the moment) with this little darling. This child needs you. I realize sweetie, that you also need to be loved and I believe you are loved.
So, focus on the positive aspects of your marriage and how much your honey loves you and try not to think too hard about the responses that you are getting, so that you can give your hubby some time to grow. You may also want to gently ask him if he would like to meet with a counselor about the issue, if that would help him in discussion it. However, I wouldn't suggest that you push the issue. Give him the space and remember how positive it is that he is showing you affection and love.
Deborah is #1 Jazz Singer, as well as a lifelong musician, songwriter, and sound engineer. She is also a writer who pursues a love of positive psychology. Download the "Boost Your Energy" ebook (absolutely free!).