Latest posts by Deborah (see all)
- How Much Time Do We Spend Together? - February 25, 2018
- When Do I Call It Quits On My Talent? - February 19, 2018
- Resolutions with Tested Goal-Setting Is the Key to Long-Term Success - January 29, 2018
That is normally an exciting time, to accept a proposal and prepare for your future together with the person you love, and for that, I congratulate you.
However, from your tone in your letter, it sounds as if you have "settled" for this man. I do not get a sense that you are "jumping for joy" over the proposal or the idea of spending your life with him. That would cause me to be a bit concerned, in your shoes.
I once received the advice that you don't marry the person you can live with, but rather, marry the person you cannot live without.
There must a reason that you refer to him as your "ex." Have the issues that caused the break-up in the first place been resolved? If so, how were they resolved? Is this resolution satisfactory to you? How about to him? In other words, are you comfortable that those issues have been resolved for both of you, so that you are able to "start fresh" with your eyes wide open, looking to the future, together?
It sounds like the lack of attention, be it attention to you, to your relationship, or even time together, bothers you. If that was one of the issues that caused the break-up, then it would seem you need to address that issue and work toward an agreeable resolution and future approach that works for both of you, before you walk down that aisle and make a commitment to each other. And, if it is a new issue, it also needs to be addressed before the marriage step. If it is a new issue, you may want to consider if there are any other issues peeking out from behind the darkness, because you want to have as much covered, as far as communication and expectation levels, first. It is like a sales contract. You want to cover as many sales questions during the pre-sales process, before the contract and exchange of money for the transaction. In this case, it would be recommended to see a pre-marriage counselor to have some assistance in walking through the different aspects. Also, experienced counselors know what questions to ask and what to look for, to help both of you to have those eyes "wide open."
I wish you all the love and happiness.