Is He Cheating On Me While Traveling?


samsum writes, I am in love with a certain man. He travels abroad and I stay in Kenya. He comes only ones a year. We met last year when he was in the UK and he told me he would go to my parents but he didn't, when he came. I love this man. Or, is he cheating on me?





Dear samsum,

It is really tricky and takes a lot of dedication and determination to maintain a long distance relationship. I do not know how much you see this man, or how much time you are able to spend with him, but a person who travels extensively, or even simply "quite a bit," can cause a relationship to feel like it is a long distance relationship, even if you both live in the same town.

With these types of relationships, assuming there is an adequate enough trust basis to start out with, you need to practice trust. In other words, you need to take efforts, even, possibly more than an in-town relationship, to develop that trust, to nurture that trust, and to "self-talk" that trust. If there is reason for you not to trust, you can address that issue.

Be careful that you do not easily throw away trust without provocation or cause to dispel of that trust. At the same time, you want to be careful that you are not over-analyzing actions and interpreting them as something different. We are all different creatures, with different ways of thinking, different ways of looking at each different situation and different ways of responding. If this man is hesitant for one reason, in speaking to your parents, and you interpret it as another reason, he may feel uncomfortable and it may compound the original issue that he is having, which may not be an issue, but could be as simple as "giving it time" and not "rushing in" to a step he is not ready to take.

A couple things to think about. You could ask this man directly, after prefacing, kindly, that you are seeking clarification on some things. After your discussion (or lack thereof, if he declines), treat him with respect for his thoughts and opinions and give him the space to act on his own, without feeling that you may be watching him or impatient with him. It will go one of two ways, forward, or not. But, with the proper encouragement and giving him that space, you can lessen the odds that he will leave because of feeling pressured in any way, real or otherwise.



Ask Deborah E
Deborah
Deborah is #1 Jazz Singer, as well as a lifelong musician, songwriter, and sound engineer. She is also a writer who pursues a love of positive psychology. Download the "Boost Your Energy" ebook (absolutely free!).
Deborah
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