How Can You Tell If Someone Loves You, Really?


milly writes, How can you tell if someone loves you, really?





Dear milly,

Very good question, one that many of us of have had throughout our lives. Even in cases where someone tells you that he or she loves you, it may turn out that they did not really love you, or did not love you as much as you loved him or her or as much as you thought that they loved you.

Tongue twister? Doesn't have to be...

Something interesting about love, and about life, really. The view of what "love" is and what "life" is, is very subjective, based on the individual's perspective. Another example is the use of "normal." Let me give you an example. For one person, the absence of yelling, in fact, silence, is "normal" in the family life. If someone were to yell, it would be abnormal and cause for alarm. In another home, people may yell, as a matter of communication. If someone were to be excessively quiet, it would be creepy and suspicious. Which is normal? Which is abnormal? Are they both normal?

In the same way, one person could experience (and express) love like a rushing torrent of water, almost a storm-like level of passion. For these people, it is easy to feel love and it is easy for others to know that they are in love. But, even so, how much of that is the passion of love and being in love with love versus actual love for one specific person?

Other people may feel love like the warmth of the fire, cozy, quiet, comfortable, safe. The removal of love would be a cold chill. These people may not show love in an obvious way, but their love may be even deeper, though it is not as self-evident.

You want to know, really, how to know if someone loves you? First part, ask him or her. Communication is so essential. But, mixed in with that communication is the trust factor of knowing whether to trust him or her that they know, themselves, if they love you, and whether they know themselves well enough and trust you enough to share that with you. IF he or she does indeed love you, it will be worth the risk on their part and yours, to dig deeper into trusting, dig deeper into loving and, by all means, to communicate.



Ask Deborah E
Deborah
Deborah is #1 Jazz Singer, as well as a lifelong musician, songwriter, and sound engineer. She is also a writer who pursues a love of positive psychology. Download the "Boost Your Energy" ebook (absolutely free!).
Deborah
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