He Doesn’t Love Me Anymore


gati writes, I had a friend who was very close to me. We were in contact for two years. i loved him a lot. We had a good time with each other but now I came to know that he doesn't love me and has a girlfriend. I don't know how to take all this. I am totally messed up. Please help me out. I can't forget him and can't see him with the other girl either.





Dear gati,

Love is a complicated thing. It can be felt, for some, at different levels and in different ways. The fact that you had a friendship with this guy for two years said that you do each care about each other. While it is possible that he was "faking" it, as far as the friendship (only because we have to allow for all possibilities), it is not probable, unless there is some motivation for faking it. So, let's assume that the friendship was, and still is, genuine.

Do you have really good friends of yours, say that you have known and cared about since you were young? Do you care about them? Would you say you love them? That is a form of love that you feel for each of these dear friends of yours.

In the same way, I'm sure that your genuine friend feels love, this same type of love, for you. I realize that this seems to be a small comfort when you feel a very different love for him and because he may not feel that same type of love, you feel unloved. But, the reality is, if his friendship with you is genuine, that that is a caring and love for you.

If we try to turn someone from one form to another, it may damage the original beyond repair. If you pick a beautiful daisy from the field and try to shape it to be a rose, when it wasn't intended to be a rose, you will end up with daisy parts on the ground and not only will you still *not* have a rose, but you won't have the daisy, either.

My suggestion is for you to dig deeper into yourself, yep, deeper still, and rather than focusing on the *type* of love that you are desiring, value the fact that there is love, a type of love that could, theoretically, last a lifetime since it is based on a deep caring and friendship. Allow yourself the freedom to love him that way, and to allow him the freedom to continue to love you that way. If you do, you will still have that precious daisy smiling up at you at the end of the day. And, you still have room in your heart for the rose some day...



Ask Deborah E
Deborah
Deborah is #1 Jazz Singer, as well as a lifelong musician, songwriter, and sound engineer. She is also a writer who pursues a love of positive psychology. Download the "Boost Your Energy" ebook (absolutely free!).
Deborah
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