July 22, 2013
July 15, 2013
Deborah E answers the question, “How can you tell if someone loves you, really?”
Very good question, one that many of us of have had throughout our lives. Even in cases where someone tells you that he or she loves you, it may turn out that they did not really love you, or did not love you as much as you loved him or her or as much as you thought that they loved you.
Tongue twister? Doesn’t have to be…
Something interesting about love, and about life, really. The view of what “love” is and what “life” is, is very subjective, based on the individual’s perspective. Another example is the use of “normal.” Let me give you an example. For one person, the absence of yelling, in
July 8, 2013
Deborah E answers, “My girlfriend nags a lot, and I don’t know what to do.”
I can see how being nagged “all the time” could be very frustrating and you would wish to have a break from some of the nagging, if not all of it.
What type of nagging is it? For example, is it the type of nagging that says you cannot do anything right? Feels as if you can’t even breathe right? Is it the kind of nagging that is a “honey do list” of things that you need to do?
On one hand, it doesn’t matter what type of nagging, but I suggest you figure out what type so that you can define it. You will see why, in a moment.
July 1, 2013
Deborah E answers the question, “It is about my ex-girlfriend. The thing is I have so many questions and how can I move on if I don’t find answers? Like, did she love me? Was she married? And, Is it over or is she just very angry with me?”
Break-ups are painful, whether you initiate them, or your partner initiates them. Based on your question of whether your girlfriend was angry, it sounds like she may have initiated this break-up and you are wondering if it is really over, or does she just needs time to “cool down.”
If she broke up with you, then it is not a matter of just being angry with you. Granted, she may, indeed, by angry with you, and that may be the basis for her initiating the break-up, but we need to give her the respect of “making up her own mind.” In other words, if you were to say to her, “This isn’t really a break-up. You are just angry. Let’s give it some time,” you are not validating her self-worth in making the decision. It is like patting her on the head and saying, “Sweetie, I understand. You don’t really know what you are doing. It is just an emotion.” She may feel that you are not taking her, or her issues, seriously, and may feel like you are belittling her. A better approach, if she opens the
June 24, 2013
Deborah E answers the question, “How can I come out of my frustrating condition that currently I’m facing?”
You have several options on how to approach this, but I’m going to split them into two categories.
Before we look at categories, let’s take some time to figure out what is causing you to feel frustrated. Take out a piece of paper and write down a list of things that make you feel frustrated. If you feel frustrated for “no reason,” then right that down. Include, on your list, environmental factors, situation descriptions, people, your actions, other people’s actions, anything that comes to mind. Brainstorm and write down everything that comes to mind without analyzing each line.
Now, for the categories. Next to each item, list whether it is chageable or not changeable. Use terms that make sense to you, like “I can fix
June 17, 2013
Deborah E answers the question, “My husband is cheating on me and I don’t like it. What do I do about it?”
Cheating is such a painful, horrible thing to deal with, and hurts deeply.
I wrote another post on this, here, at
He Is Cheating and Denies It. What Do I Do?.
Before proceeding with any action, you will want to verify that the cheating is occurring, directly with your husband. Also, you will want to let your husband know that this cheating hurts you deeply and hurts your marriage and that you would like him to stop cheating, assuming that that is what you want him to do.
Deborah E answers the question, “My father has a gambling addiction and is always gambling away our money. I try to tell him that he needs to stop, but he becomes mad and refuses to admit he has a problem. How do I help him, without making him more upset?”
That is really a difficult situation, and so astute of you to recognize that it is an addiction. It is a sickness, but that doesn’t make it “ok” for the family, but rather, helps us to understand the basis.
It appears your father needs help and counseling, but I’m sure that you realize that. It is understandable that when you “tell” your father to stop, that he is going to become defensive and as a part of that defensive mechanism, he is going to react, in this case, with anger. None of us want to hear that we are wrong and even if your father also believes he is wrong, he isn’t going to want to hear it from his child. And, it is not unusual for people to deny that they have a problem. Unless he is 100% thinking that gambling is 100% wrong, he is going to say that he doesn’t have a problem with gambling. In the same way, unless an alcoholic believes that alcohol, even a drop, is wrong, he or she is going to believe that their drinking is fine and that they do not have a problem.