Deborah E answers the question, “My aunt keeps posting insults on my facebook, referring to my boyfriend. I don’t know why she has to be so judgmental. And why does she have to post it on my Facebook wall? Oooh, she makes me sooooo mad. What should I do to stop her?”

That is a difficult situation and I understand your frustration.

First, I assume you have already done this, but just in case, have you tried talking to your aunt, either by telephone or, at the least my message? Obviously, we all believe the “right answer” is to try to talk face-to-face, then telephone or skype, and finally, email, IM, or message, but sometimes that does not work or we end up talking AT each other instead of listening and trying to resolve the issue.

If either one of you is not fully interested in resolving the conflict and really protecting the relationship,

Deborah E answers the question, “We are not happy any time we meet under one roof so what do we do?”

It is hard when people are not happy meeting under the same roof. It makes it very difficult, especially when you really care about someone, love someone, and want things to be better. Sometimes even civility and polite behavior would be an improvement over the circumstances you are currently experiencing. But, then, there are times when seemingly kind behavior is only a mask that covers something even more devious and ugly beneath it and one can find themselves not only unhappy in the current environment, but days, weeks, months later, as they process possible negativity that they have experienced.

We don’t want to start off assuming that it is anyone’s fault, as all of us could use some improving, couldn’t we? However, regardless of whose fault it is, or whose fault it is not, you need to examine what you need, can live with, and cannot live without.

Deborah E answers the question, “We live together with our two month old son though we are yet to get married. My boyfriend is a serial cheater and this hurts me a lot. I am tired, frustrated, depressed, and want to walk out of the relationship. Please provide advice to me on this.”

I feel for you and the pain that you must be going through. It appears you have invested a lot into this relationship and probably are a woman with a high capacity to love and to hope. These are excellent qualities to have, so pat yourself on the back for your perseverance.

Judging from your use of the word, “serial,” it appears that possibly your boyfriend is not taking steps to correct the behavior. Possibly he does not view that it is wrong, or he does not feel that it merits the amount of effort to change it. If he is truly trying to change (i.e. seeking a counselor, finding an accountability method, etc.), then this would be a different story. However, I am operating from the assumption that there are no real efforts or desires to change the behavior and that is why you used the word, “serial.”

Deborah E answers the question, “I want to reduce all of my negative thoughts and want an adviser where i can talk all of my problems. I need more time and if i get any response then i can tell all of my problems.”

I am glad to hear that you want to reduce your negative thoughts. Sometimes that is a lot harder than it seems. Also, it is much easier to think positive thoughts than to try not to think negative thoughts. In other words, fill that cup with the positive so the negative is replaced with that positive thinking.

It seems as if you may be tiring of talking out the problems with no feedback. Sometimes it is difficult when we meet with a counselor or adviser because we feel like we have to talk and talk and talk to explain where we are coming from, just to get to the point where the real issues lie, the “heart of the issue.” We invest so much time into the telling of our story and feel that we are not getting enough of a response or feedback to feel better and get those positive thoughts growing. Finding that good “fit” as far as counselor or adviser is similar to the amount of effort and work it takes to find that one mate for life. That is a lot of work!

Deborah E answers the question, “How do I overcome abuse, in general?”

First, we need to determine if it is overcoming current abuse or past abuse. If it is current abuse, there is really no getting over it until you remove yourself from the abuse. If it is obviously abuse, you need to get out! If it is not abuse, but uncomfortable, then we would need to consider coping methods in dealing with the less-than-ideal situation.

I have a feeling you are referring to exactly what you said here, abuse.

Overcoming abuse is a process. It does not happen overnight. At first, when one discovers that they are free from abuse, and at a point where they are free to recover, the desire is to instantly feel better (common to us, as humans), and to have clarity on what we are