How Do I Find An Adviser?

I want to reduce all of my negative thoughts and want an adviser where i can talk all of my problems. I need more time and if i get any response then i can tell all of my problems.

Dear Huda,

I am glad to hear that you want to reduce your negative thoughts. Sometimes that is a lot harder than it seems. Also, it is much easier to think positive thoughts than to try not to think negative thoughts. In other words, fill that cup with the positive so the negative is replaced with that positive thinking.

It seems as if you may be tiring of talking out the problems with no feedback. Sometimes it is difficult when we meet with a counselor or adviser because we feel like we have to talk and talk and talk to explain where we are coming from, just to get to the point where the real issues lie, the "heart of the issue." We invest so much time into the telling of our story and feel that we are not getting enough of a response or feedback to feel better and get those positive thoughts growing. Finding that good "fit" as far as counselor or adviser is similar to the amount of effort and work it takes to find that one mate for life. That is a lot of work!

You may want to listen for referrals from people who have been helped by a particular adviser. But, even as you try different advisers, give yourself some room to try them out. Do not feel as if you need to tell your whole life story and all of your issues in one sitting. Try a few of the smaller issues and gauge their response to those issues. Are you feeling like you are getting good feedback? Do you feel like the adviser is listening to you? Do you feel like the adviser understands you and has empathy for your situation? Does your adviser give you some suggestions that you understand and can use? Do you want your adviser to give you less feedback and provide, instead, silent empathy? <.p>

Understanding some of what your expectations are, before you go talk to the adviser will help you to remain objective enough to decide if this is an adviser that you want to see again, or try a new adviser. By preparing yourself, you may be able to spend less time trying out the different advisers than if you invested a lot of time for each adviser and were disappointed, multiple times, with each try. You really want to limit the disappointments, as these disappointments are not helping you to remove the negativity in your life.

Keep in mind that the adviser that one person just loves, may not be the adviser that is right for you. If you can accept that the selection process is just that, a process, it will be a bit easier. It is similar to learning to ride a bicycle. You are going to fall off a few times before you can enjoy the feeling of the wind in your hair as you glide on those two wheels down the path of life.

Deborah E
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Deborah is a #1 Jazz Singer, as well as a lifelong musician, songwriter, and sound engineer. She is also a writer who pursues a love of positive psychology. She is a thesis short of having her doctorate in psychology.
2 comments… add one
  • When you think negative thoughts, it comes out in your body language. Someone prone to negativity may feel all too tempted to mirror that. Try coming at them with the positive mindset you wish they had. Expect the best in them. You never know when you might be pleasantly surprised.

  • I am almost a week late on my period. I am getting sick and dizzy all day. Very tired, sore breasts and bloted for the last 2 weeks. I have taken 4 HPT’s and all were negitaive. I called my Dr. and have an appointment schedualed for next Tuesday. When I was supposed to start last Friday I started spotting a little and only spotted until Saturday Morning. Also 9 days after having unpertected intercourse I spotted as well. Last time this happened was almost 4 years ago and I was pregnant then. I took a HPT and it was positive a week after my missed cycle. I’m getting concerened because I wasn’t trying to get pregnant and I’ve been trying to “talk myself out” of the symtoms (symptoms) I’ve been having. Getting sick with smell of certin foods, brushing my teeth and smoking, which all were signs last time. Need some advice. I’m worried something else might be going on besides being pregnant. What other things could it be? I’ve tried looking it up but have found nothing. Any help would be greatly appriciated.

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