A Simple Approach To Relationships
A look at how to work with the relationship (after you have found the “right” person).
I know. Relationships can be anything but simple. Why should someone claim they can be simple?
Relationships, themselves, are not necessarily simple, but there is a formula, or better worded, approach, that is actually quite simple. You know what it is? One word for the approach: Love. It is a simple, basic need that all humans have. I know. If this article were in your hand, you’d probably throw it at me right now, thinking, “Why am I reading something so obvious?!”
I had a dream last night. Ok, maybe I had the dream because of Valentine’s day coming up. Who knows? Either way, I woke up with such an “Aha” moment that I wondered why I hadn’t seen the simplicity of it before. I mean, I’ve known you are supposed to love. You learn that when you are a kid. The first time you try to take a toy away from another child in preschool, you learn that you are supposed to share. You are supposed to think of the other person and the other person’s thoughts, feelings, dreams, even before your own. Whether we actually do that or not may be a question mark, but that is what we are taught in “Relationships 101.”
In this dream, I was about 20 years old, and new to the “real world.” In my dream, there was a young man who treated me like a diva. He adored me and it was as if my every wish was his command. Ok, it wasn’t quite that extreme. He wasn’t a door mat or anything, but he seemed to love me for who I was and not who I should be or anything else. He was not homely, but neither was he GQ or a model. He was down-to-earth. Possibly, he was the type that may not be noticed as readily because he was not what one would describe as striking or the personality that stood out in the crowd. But, at the same time, he didn’t have a narcissistic attitude that it was all about him.
Granted, I just described what this gentlemen looked like and acted like in my dream and you are thinking that there is more to this formula than just love, that we need to find these guys that seem to care for their every need. True, it helps to love the right person. There is no denying that. The focus in this formula, though, is not about finding the right person (as truly important as that is!), but how the diva treats that right person when she finds him.
Have you ever seen those A/B buttons? Have you heard of A/B testing? That is where you try one scenario to see what the outcome is and then try the other scenario. Well, the next part of my dream was like that, with a sort of A/B outcome, if you will.
In the “A” scenario, I enjoyed all of the attention that my boyfriend was giving me. I took it all in, feeding off all of the diva attention and loving every moment of it. I didn’t treat him unkind, but the focus was definitely on me and I was loving it. After all, I am a diva, right? It is as if I sucked him dry, with even the image of him turning almost grayscale. And, the sadness on his face was reaching out and tugging at my heart. It was as if he couldn’t speak his “needs” and he withered like a tree without water for years and the picture became gloomy, then sad, then frustration and anger seeped into that picture. It wouldn’t have mattered how much attention he would have shown me, it was an ugly picture.
In the “B” scenario, some sort of light bulb went off in my head and it was as if I could see that all my boyfriend wanted was love. Simple. Love. I didn’t need to outperform him. I didn’t need to follow some methodology or complicated task list. I just grabbed him, hugged him, looked sincerely and adoringly into his eyes and he lit up. It was as if all of the flowers in the world started blooming in multiple colors. He looked fulfilled. He lavished even more attention on me and the picture looked beautiful and bright and kept getting brighter.
I woke up with the awareness of just how simple it can be, to feed the relationship, whether that is a current love relationship or a friendship. Feed them. Love the people. Even if it is just saying, “Hey, I care about you!” to your best friend. Share a little love, like 5 positive thoughts or 5 hugs a day. And, if there are those who are drawing you down with negativity… well, that is another article. Start with loving the lovable and if you can love a few unlovable ones, in the process, you have contributed to a brighter world for all of us.