My Friend Is Angry With Me For Not Helping Her On An Exam

My friend is angry with me and not on talking terms with me because I did not teach her in the exam.

I am very depressed about it. I have talked to her about this, yet she is not ready to talk to me. What can i do???

Dear kavya,

It is always hard when we care for someone deeply and they not only withhold the kindness, but are angry with us on top of it.

You mentioned that she is angry with you because you did not teach her in the exam. The question that I have is whether she is angry because you would not allow her to cheat off of you in the exam, or because she feels that you did not take the time to teach her how to pass the exam prior to the exam, whether that was a matter of time, a matter of expertise, or a matter of her understanding of the material. Either way, the success on the exam should not be the basis for your friendship. If the friendship is based on acquiring something from you (passing the exam), then it is not based on friendship but rather how she can manipulate you to obtain what she wants.

If you have attempted to talk to her, that is great. That is a step in the right direction, to try to resolve the issue and give your friend an opportunity to tell you what is bothering her, so that you can move to the next step and mend your friendship.

If she does not want to talk to you, and continues to not want to talk to you, there is nothing that you can do, in the area of having that talk. You cannot force her to do something that she does not want to do, and even if you could force her, or even persuade her with a manipulative manner, you would not be adding to the friendship, but rather coercing something that looks like friendship, but will not be based on the trust that it needs for the foundation because it would have been forced or manipulated on her part.

If you are awarded a meeting with her, to discuss the issue, and it turns out that she is indeed angry with you because of the exam (regardless of the exact issue on the exam), then her basis for the friendship is not based on friendship, but on what she can gain, personally, without thought to the friendship or to you, personally. It is possible that she simply has an anger issue and is unforgiving (even if you haven't technically done anything that requires forgiveness). These are issues that she needs to work through, internally, before she can be friends with you, or anyone else, including herself.

Deborah E
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Deborah is a #1 Jazz Singer, as well as a lifelong musician, songwriter, and sound engineer. She is also a writer who pursues a love of positive psychology. She is a thesis short of having her doctorate in psychology.
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