I Want a Divorce!


I'm having problems with my husband. I want a divorce.
Meenu





Dear Meenu,

The question is, are you sure that you no longer want to be with your husband?

If so, then it would seem you should move forward with your plan (but please don't take that as a directive or even a suggestion from me).

If not, or there is any twinge of desire to remain with him, ask yourself this: Why did you first fall in love with him? What was it about him that said, "This is the one?"

It might even help if you create a list of things like that. When you are done, review the list.

Personally, I am a romantic. I also realize we are all human, so I need to have patience with my husband and realize that no one is perfect. But, he is so loving that I can't help but remain in love with him after decades of marriage.

However, he is my second husband and I do recall six months after the marriage to the first husband when I said, "What have I done?" At that point, I went through the exercise that I just described to you. What I realized was that I had fallen in love with falling in love and not really fallen in love with that husband. We are cordial, but I divorced him.

So, unfortunately, divorce happens and when it is that time, there is no reason to prolong it. But, if you can find that romance, it is worth pursuing, if it still exists. And, the fact that you are asking this question is either a case of a seedling of the existence of that romance or validation that it is ok to move forward, which it is.


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3 comments… add one
  • When my wife told me she wanted to divorce after 33 years of marriage I was gutted. All I could do was think about the future and make plans for a new wife. The planning certainly helped ease the pain.

    • John,

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts, especially with how painful the experience is/was.

      I definitely agree with you that moving on is a method of coping in a healthy way and [hopefully] easing a bit of the pain. However, if I may (and speaking from experience)… I may take it easy on the plans for a new spouse. The planning for the new seems to represent moving on but I just wouldn’t want to see you set yourself up for more pain if you are specifically targetting a new spouse and anything interrupts your plans.

      Be well.

      -Deborah

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