Latest posts by Deborah (see all)
- Don’t Turn Off the Pain… Completely - April 11, 2016
- Broken Tooth Psychology: When the Parent Cannot Outgrow Their Own Abusive Behavior - February 16, 2016
- As Simple As A Child’s Love - November 26, 2015
Oh, honey, life, and the death of loved ones, sometimes hurts and hurts. Being able to share that hurt helps us to realize how human we truly are and how much we need one another, for as long as we each have here together.
There are two things in your question that I want to highlight for you. First, it is OK to cry! Cry, cry, and then cry some more. It is the expression of our heart and soul and crying wasn't meant to be bottled up and denied. When it is denied, it can sometimes become self-destructive and even outwardly destructive to other people. But, most importantly, let the tears flow. The tear are normal and what make you a human being who feels, hurts, and loves.
Second of all, you do not need to stop loving the person that has gone before you. You certainly do not need to forget their existence. Remember them. Remember her well, in your heart. Hold that memory as a precious gem in your memory. It does not mean that you need to think about her every moment of the day, but if you have days that that is how you feel, that isn't wrong, either. Let me ask you this. Would she want you to be happy and successful, if she were still here, having a cup of coffee with you and chatting about your lives? I think she would. I think she would want nothing less than for you to be as happy as you can and strive for your dreams and, continue to dream. So, when you are remembering her in your heart, but having a happy moment, that is not wrong. You have not lessened your memory of her. Instead, picture her smiling on you, giving you a virtual hug, and cheering you on, because that is what I believe she is doing.
Life does go on, in spite of those who have gone before us. Here is a tribute that I wrote for my grandpa, 4 Things My Grandpa Taught Me. He died decades ago, but, at moments, I still find myself shedding a tear, missing him. That doesn't mean that I don't have happy moments. That doesn't mean that life doesn't go on, even without him. But, I am never entirely without him, because I hold the memory of him in my heart even if I am not thinking about it 24/7.
I used to tell my kids, "When mama is gone, and you feel a tear come to your eyes, find the next person and give them a hug. Share the love..." My wish for you, dear one, is that you share of your tenderness and lovingness with those in your life now, and those you have yet to meet, sharing the love that you have received from this dear one who has passed before you. Remember her, in that love.