Know When to Get a Restraining Order

by Claire Duvall

Is Your Ex Stalking You? Know When to Get a Restraining Order

Breaking up with someone is not easy; and it is even made harder if the person you’re cutting ties with has some sort of emotional or psychiatric problem that pushes him or her to stalk you. If you have separated from an ex-partner or a boyfriend or girlfriend, keep your guard up and observe if you are being stalked. The thing about stalking is that it could lead to violence, especially when the stalker has some emotional or mental issues. By knowing if you’re being stalked or not, you can take measures to protect yourself and your family.

What Is Stalking?

When you hear the word stalking, it calls to mind a person who stealthily follows someone. But stalking isn’t limited to trailing. Some stalkers also initiate communication, and unwanted communication is frequent. Whereas a normal person would call you 2 or 5 times a day, a stalker could call his victim a couple of times per hour. He could also be tracking his victim’s webpage or Facebook page, and he will most likely try to chat with his victim or send emails or other messages. Some stalkers also give their victims gifts. These could be items that are significant to the stalker or his victim. Sometimes, stalkers are quite extreme, and they could send their victims dead animals and other threatening items, like bullet casings or bloody knives, to convey a message. Since a victim is closely watched, her stalker will most likely be present in the places that she also frequents. Stalkers silently watch their victims, and their very presence is a threat.

If you or someone you know has noticed any of these behaviors exhibited by their exes or even individuals that they do not know, consult a lawyer, the police or other groups that aid victims of stalking or harassment in order to get ideas on how to manage the problem. Stalkers should be taken seriously because it’s difficult to determine when stalkers could become violent.

What Is A Restraining Order?

Restraining orders are known by other names, like personal protection order (PPO) or apprehended violence order. A restraining order is a court order that is aimed to protect certain individuals, even business organizations, from other persons or groups. Restraining orders are best known for their use in relation to domestic abuse cases, wherein the court provides this document in order to protect an abused individual. The restraining order dictates and limits certain behavior. For instance, it could state how much physical distance should be between a stalker and his victim. It could prevent communication, and other actions, such as sending gifts.

Issues Surrounding Restraining Orders

Although a restraining order helps in keeping most stalkers away, some individuals are just too determined, and a piece of paper might not be enough to deter them. This is where a restraining order can be detrimental. Because it gives a victim a false sense of security, she might stop being attentive and observant of her surroundings, which could make her an easy prey.

In some cases, a stalker is impelled to act on his fantasies once a restraining order comes out. He might turn violent or he might kidnap his victim if he feels that his relationship with that person is threatened. Finally, restraining orders aren’t that effective in keeping hardened criminals or psychotics at bay. People who have invested a lot of time, money and energy in studying their victims will probably not give up that easily.


This post was generously provided by Claire Duvall.

Claire Duvall writes for MA Attorney Elliot Savitz, a known criminal defense attorney. Mr. Savitz provides valuable legal advice to assault and battery victims, as well as those who are having problems with stalkers.

5 comments… add one
  • A 21-year-old theatre student has obtained a civil stalking restraining order against her parents after convincing a judge that they attempt to control all aspects of her daily life.

  • will a restraining order get my live in girlfriend out of my house? we have a 3 year old child that I’m in fear for because of the heavy doses of medication she is taking. she lies, steals and is very threatening to me. i want her out but she won’t leave and everyone says too bad. this is my house, not hers. what do i do?

  • There are times when it can be challenging to cut all ties with a person even if he has abused you in the past. There are several reasons for this. Maybe you have children, and, out of the goodness of your heart, you don’t want to alienate your kids from their parent; or maybe you have other reasons. One of the things that many victims are concerned about is if they might violate their restraining order. What happens if you invite your ex-husband, the one who abused you, into your house because he brought you some groceries? What if you talk to your ex-partner on the phone or meet up with him in a café? By doing these things, are you violating your own restraining order?

  • personally get your own video camera and think about self defense more like pepper spray or a fist pack. otherwise keep the police informed about his activities but you must have proof. and you can always report his car stolen that might keep him tied up for a while. or just report that some creepy guy keeps driving by. if neighbors call it will help a whole lot. become friends with them and make sure thay know you have a restraining order on some guy they can help you out.

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