He Is Not Responding To My Texts… What Do I Do?


angel writes, I have a friend. We have not gotten together much, but we became best friends in a couple of days. Now suddenly, he is not talking to me. He is not replying to my texts or picking up my calls. I really miss him. What do I do to get him back?





Dear angel,

That is great that you were able to hit if off so well and so quickly that you became best friends. I am assuming that you have been friends for a while and that you went from the "acquaintance" level to "close friends" within those couple of days. If that is not the case, and you have only known this friend for a couple of days it is another issue and may be a case of not having had enough time to develop the depth of a sustaining friendship.

So, operating from the assumption that this is a good friend whom you have known for a while (longer than two days), it is obvious (and understandable!) that you would like to know why he is not responding to your texts or phone calls. All of us would want the answer to that question, even if it is not an answer that we want to hear, worst case scenario.

There is the pattern to keep in mind, though. The more he *doesn't* respond, the more you feel you desperately need to know *why* he isn't responding and the more you are tempted to contact him to get the answer to that question, at the least. If the original reason that he has been so distant is because he feels cramped and pressured, your calls or texts will only amplify that feeling and he will pull back further, causing you to want to contact him to find out what is wrong and him pulling back even more, and so on. Do you see where this could potentially be a never-ending cycle? More than likely, at some point in the cycle, he would be tempted to contact you and ask you to stop contacting him, or change his phone number. If it gets to that point, you will have very little bargaining room for him to hear your heart and concern for your friendship.

As hard as it is to hear, your best option is to give him the space. Then, if/when he misses your friendship, he can contact you and you will have the confidence that says you didn't doubt the friendship but that you were going him any space that he needed. This demonstrates your emotional maturity and is appealing to most people. If you opt to try to continue to call or text him, you are more than likely going to be met with rejection of the friendship. While both scenarios present that possibility, the odds are better on the "give him space" scenario.



Ask Deborah E
Deborah
Deborah is #1 Jazz Singer, as well as a lifelong musician, songwriter, and sound engineer. She is also a writer who pursues a love of positive psychology. Download the "Boost Your Energy" ebook (absolutely free!).
Deborah
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