Deborah

A Married Man Paid For My Education and I’m In Love

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The question...

Deborah E answers the question, "I'm in love with a married man. I have tried so hard to let go but I still cant. He is also responsible for my education. What should I do now?"

Deborah E answers

I realize that this love you have for this married man is intense and you feel it deeply, but you need to be able to look at the situation from all aspects, including your heart. It is interesting that you wrote this question, as it is very similar to another question I received recently, I Can't Lose The Married Man I Love. Please check out that Ask Deborah E question/answer, as well.

You mentioned that this married man is "also responsible for [your] education." What does that mean, exactly? I noted it as "paying" for your education, but the phrase "responsible" may have other meanings, as well. For example, he may be a teacher or another professional within an educational facility. If this is the case, then the answer to your question takes on another facet beyond the fact that he is married, and that needs to be considered, as well.

My Husband Doesn’t Seem To Love Our Unborn Baby

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The question...

Deborah E answers the question, "I am a newly married girl and I have a very happy married life. My husband loves me a lot, but now I'm pregnant. We were not planning for a baby, yet, but, unexpectedly I got pregnant. My husband never talks about the baby. He always takes care of me. He always used to say take care of yourself, but never says take care of the baby as well and never shows any excitement towards the baby as the other fathers do. I'm so depressed. Tell me what I should do .."

Deborah E answers

I am a newly married girl and I have a very happy married life. My husband loves me a lot, but now I'm pregnant. We were not planning for a baby, yet, but, unexpectedly I got pregnant. My husband never talks about the baby. He always takes care of me. He always used to say take care of yourself, but never says take care of the baby as well and never shows any excitement towards the baby as the other fathers do. I'm so depressed. Tell me what I should do ..

Oh, honey, I ache for you. It is a tough job, physically, emotionally, relationally, everything-ally, to carry a child within you and to have your body going through all sorts of different things, your emotions on roller coasters and hormones making you feel like you are not the same person. But, what you are experiencing is very beautiful and I'm sure you realize that. I also don't want you to worry so much about the situation that you

Out Of Nowhere, He Breaks Up With Me!

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The question...

Deborah E answers the question, "I've been in a relationship for 3 years with a guy. Last week he told me that he does not want to continue with me further. i was collapsed after hearing this. He says he wants to make his career so that he can concentrate only on his work. He said for me to never call or try to contact him. i cant understand how can he can do this. I don't think he loves me anymore. Besides, we had our normal fights. Last year he had also broken up for some other gal in his life, but still i accepted him and gave him a chance. Please help me. What shall I do? Will I get my love back forever?"

Deborah E answers

Oh, the pain of heartbreak. There is nothing quite like it, and it hurts so deeply. My heart goes out to yours, in what you are going through right now.

Three years is a long time and the longer the relationship goes on, the harder it is for a break-up and the more "pull" we feel to get back together again, as if life will never return to normal without that other person. We have become so accustomed to being with that person, good, bad, and otherwise, that being apart sometimes seems unbearable. That only puts more stress on an already touchy situation.

Should I Give Him Permission To…?

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The question...

Deborah E answers the question, "My boyfriend wants to go swimming with his school guy friends. Should I give him my permission? I'm jealous and worried because there are some girls who will be there. :("

Deborah E answers

I can certainly understand your concern. And, we women tend to be wired in that way, to fear that other women may attract our man.

Let's play a little game for a moment. But, before we do, let me ask you this. Do you require your boyfriend give you permission before you go shopping with the girls? If the answer is, "Yes," that he has to give his permission, how does that make you feel? If that is the way that you want it, then, I suppose the relationship is right where you want it to be and you both are comfortable asking permission of each other before making decisions. That is not a bad thing, just something that you and your boyfriend need to be able to articulate, as far as comfort levels and boundaries.

I Can’t Lose The Married Man I Love

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The question...

Deborah E answers the question, "I met someone married. i know this relationship is wrong, but I love him so much and I can't lose him. What should i do?"

Deborah E answers

I can understand the feeling of true love and the desire to hold onto the one you love, forever, and wanting to be with that person always.

Before I answer your question, let's play a little exercise, ok?

From the tone of your question, I believe that you are definitely experiencing very strong emotions for this man and desire to be with him. Let's pretend, for a moment, that you are the woman that he married, and you have these feelings of love for your husband. How would you feel knowing that you may lose this man that you love and that he may love another woman?

My Ex Proposed To Me, But…

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The question...

Deborah E answers the question, "Hi,

I am from Mauritius. Actually, last month, my ex proposed to me again. He said that he really loves me and that he wanted to be with me again. After a few days, I told him, "Yes," as i still have some feelings for him.

It's been nearly one month that we have been together, but the thing is that he neither calls me nor texts me. It's always me who calls him, but when I call him, it's whether he is busy or there's someone coming to disturb me.

We are never free for a real discussion.

I just want your opinion, what should i do? I really want things between us to get better but i don't know how to do that.

Can you please help me?

Waiting for your reply, eagerly,

Nirvana"


Deborah E answers

That is normally an exciting time, to accept a proposal and prepare for your future together with the person you love, and for that, I congratulate you.

However, from your tone in your letter, it sounds as if you have "settled" for this man. I do not get a sense that you are "jumping for joy" over the proposal or the idea of spending your life with him. That would cause me to be a bit concerned, in your shoes.

I once received the advice that you don't marry the person you can live with, but rather, marry the person you cannot live without.